Birthday Fundraiser: Project Semicolon

*This is dedicated to everyone who supported my birthday fundraiser*

For my 21st birthday, I decided to hold a 21-day fundraiser dedicated to Project Semicolon. Project Semicolon's mission is to "reduce the incidents of suicide in the world through connected community and greater access to information and resources." 93 cents of every dollar donated to this project goes towards programs and services that will help individuals with mental health. Many family members and friends donated to my birthday fundraiser, and we were able to raise $560 dollars within 21 days. I was astounded.

I want to talk about what mental health truly means to me. Just about every single person I know knows how passionate I am in helping those in need. A patient I once had during my psychiatric clinical rotation told me that I had a "disease" in which I put all my effort in helping others, with all I have, and it starts to drain my own soul. I didn't really think about what he meant, but I started to wonder how I could stop and still help. I wanted to know how I could keep on being passionate about mental health and take care of my own mental health at the same time.

So during Fall 2017, along with my psychiatric clinical, I took the Mental Health First Aid with three other friends. Then, I decided to fundraise and organize a team of SDSU Nursing Students to walk at the Out of the Darkness Suicide Walk. I wanted to learn more about mental health and suicide. I wanted to learn more about why people did it, and why people don't do it, and how families and friends were affected after a loved one had committed suicide.

I learned more about resources around California, the suicide hotline, the crisis hotline, different medications, insurances that help with mental health, and the PERT team. I learned more about what I can do as a future nurse, and as a friend. I talked to so many individuals about mental health, and I was so enlightened by every single human being who stay so strong despite their situations. I was so inspired by their resilience.

There is a lot more to mental health than I thought. At first, all I thought about was mental illnesses. I only thought that mental health was for people with depression, anxiety, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc. However, I soon learned that mental health is for everyone. Everyone goes through a crisis, and it might be for a short amount of time, but it is still their pain. Individuals who are suffering from heartbreak, a loss of a loved one, sexual assault, loneliness... and simply, pain and heaviness in their hearts. These individuals can result in wanting to die. It's another thing when we say, "Oh my god, I just want to die," after a terrible week. And it's another thing when someone says, "I want it all to stop. I'm done." But death is never the answer.

I learned that we can never fully understand each other's pain. Even if you're suffering through the same things, you never truly understand what's on someone's mind and heart. But I also learned that there are so many people who care, even when we don't feel like they do.

There's always someone watching your actions... always someone who thinks about where you are now, how you're doing, what you're doing, and praying and hoping that life is treating you well, and that you're happy. There's always someone who wants to care for you, and go on adventures with you, and go through life with you. The hardest thing sometimes is seeing that; it's so hard to see sometimes that you're not alone.

This is why for about a year and a half now, I've poured my heart out to the importance of mental health. I've wanted to raise awareness with just how important it is. And practice it myself. I went to talk therapy during stressful times in the semester so that I had a place to vent, and a person to talk to. I also learned a lot about talk therapy at that time, and learned that it's not like how it's portrayed on television. It's not always you lying down on a sofa, with a therapist who's trying to fix you and figure you out. Sometimes, therapy is simply someone who you can talk to without any biases, and for them to show you another perspective to your thoughts.

My self-care methods are to write, walk around the lake, relax at the beach, go to church and read my Bible and my devotions, and spend time with my family and friends. Self-care, for me, means to simply walk away from a difficult situation for a moment of serendipity. For me, that meant that I had to step away from school work, from people who need a lot from me, from highly stressful situations that can wait. For me, it meant that when a patient died during my clinical rotation, I had to go to the restroom and sit there and pray for a minute or two. For me, it meant to reflect on what life truly meant, and for me to be grateful for everything that I have been given.

It's important for you to be mentally well. It is important for you to find your peace. People who suffer with mental illnesses should and need to go through therapy, and take medications, and focus on self-care. And even though people who do not suffer with mental illnesses wouldn't need medications and therapy, you should still focus on self-care. You should still figure out what that means for you.

Anyway, before I end up writing a novel, I want to thank every single person who has helped me learn more about mental health and helped me raise awareness for mental health and suicide prevention.

I did this thinking of an old friend that I don't quite have communication with anymore. He had a lot of baggage... a lot of heaviness in his heart. He made decisions that were not good for him. He did this all because of familial troubles, and a terrible childhood upbringing. He didn't know what it even truly means to love, and he lived for temporary highs. I didn't know how to be a friend to him anymore after six years of trying to figure out how to help him, how to fix his situation, and how to show him that I cared for him. I didn't how to keep on carrying him without sinking myself. So while he figured out his own life, I learned more about how I could be a better friend to someone who is going through life like him.

I don't really know how he's doing right now, but the last time I heard from him, I know he was trying to rebuild his life. I have faith in his resilience to keep on going, and I hope that he remembers all of his resources around him. Like I said, there is always someone who thinks about where you are now, how you're doing, what you're doing, and praying and hoping that life is treating you well, and that you're happy. I'm thinking of you, my friend, as we share this birthday together.

Thank you all again so much for all of your donations, love, support, and the stories that you have shared with me. This has been the best birth month in my adult life.

Thank you for reading, and continue to spread kindness.

With infinite gratefulness,

Annika